


The Answer

by purgatoan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 15:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8990632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatoan/pseuds/purgatoan
Summary: His whole life, Dean’s been looking for the answers, but he never seemed to find any. He didn’t realise his answer was that simple.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song Road To Nowhere by Ozzy Osbourne! (lyrics italised!)
> 
> Cross-posting from Tumblr, it's an oldie.

Why? Where? When? How? Who?

My whole life consisted of all kinds of questions since the very beggining.

_I was looking back on my life  
And all the things I’ve done to me_

As a kid I would ask my mom or dad about things and they usually had the answer ready for me. Mom, when will Dad be home? Mom, when will you make pie? Mom, will you read me a bedtime story? Dad, can I go with you?

They didn’t have to think what to say to me. These were all obvious questions, nothing worth thinking twice or wondering over for hours. 

Simple. Every question was immediately followed by an answer. 

Until that one day when everything changed.

_I’m still looking for the answers  
_ _I’m still searching for the key_

As I ran out of our burning house, Sammy in my embrace, I couldn’t help but wonder what was happening. I kept asking myself what was going on. I kept questioning everything I knew, seeing our home burn, as Dad scooped me in his arms and took us to somewhere safe.

From then, there were no answers.

Only questions.

_The wreckage of my past keeps haunting me  
_ _It just won’t leave me alone_

It started, technically, with simple ones. They were the questions that if a kid asked them in a normal home, they would have been answered immediately and without hesitation. I was asking Dad what happened to Mom and he didn’t know what to tell me. I was asking him who did this to Mom and he didn’t have an answer for that one either.

_I still find it all a mystery  
_ _Could it be a dream?_

Then, as Sam grew up, it was his turn to ask some questions. I had already given up by then, knowing that saying all my concerns out loud wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t change a damn thing.

But Sammy didn’t know that.

_The road to nowhere leads to me_

Soon, he stopped asking questions too. He stopped seeing a point in that. But I knew that he didn’t care as much about finding out the answers to those questions as I did. He didn’t know Mom, she wasn’t someone close to him.

To him, she was a ghost.

To him, she was just a face on a faded and crumpled photo, driving our Dad mad for revenge.

_Through all the happiness and sorrow  
_ _I guess I’d do it all again_

But then, there came times when I started asking questions again. When I couldn’t help but wonder why. When I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, even if I wanted to.

Because Sammy left.

_Live for today and not tomorrow  
_ _It’s still the road that never ends_

I was a bit mad at him. That didn’t mean I didn’t want him to be happy, to finish school and have an apple pie life with some cute girl and a bunch of kids. Hell no. Of course I wanted that.

I was selfish, because I didn’t want to be alone.

Yes. You heard me right.

_The wreckage of my past keeps haunting me  
_ _It just won’t leave me alone_

I think I was driving Dad mad with all this wondering but he didn’t say a word. He never did. I knew he was as heartbroken as I was but we two wanted the same thing. For Sammy to be happy.

And it was enough for a while.

_I still find it all a mystery  
_ _Could it be a dream?_

Another time when I had to let out some of my concerns was when Dad stopped responding to my calls. I knew he was getting close to the Yellow Eyed Demon but that didn’t matter. 

Killing this thing wouldn’t change anything, it wouldn’t bring Mom back, and I didn’t want Dad to get hurt. It wasn’t worth it. I had to find him. I had to help him if I could.

I didn’t want to ask Sammy for help, but, the truth is, I didn’t have no one else to ask but him. And I’d be damned if I said that I didn’t miss him.

_The road to nowhere leads to me_

It was supposed to be a one time thing. I was supposed to drive away from that place just after we came to Stanford and I dropped my baby brother in front of his apartment.

As I’m looking at all of this now, I’m beyond happy that I’d waited in Baby for a while, thinking about how it could’ve been if he didn’t want me to drive him back to Stanford. To his girl. To his normal life, being the complete opposite of the life I’ve been living for all those years.

Because if I hadn’t, Sammy might not be alive.

_Ah, Ah  
_ _The road to nowhere’s gonna pass me by_

As I was dragging him out of that burning room, his Jess, his sweet Jess, pinned to the ceiling just like Mom was, I knew everything was about to change.

And I couldn’t help but wonder where it was going to lead us two.

_Ah Ah_  
_I hope we never have to say goodbye  
_ _I never want to live without you_

From then, everything was just a big ass pile of questions. Why did Dad die? How I was going to tell my brother that I sold my soul for his life? Who rescued me from hell? What kind of a name is Castiel?

Right. Cas.

Sometimes he provided more reasons for questions than he had the answers for but at least some things were cleared up.

It turned out that the angels were real. But they weren’t better than demons, at least not most of them.

_The wreckage of my past keeps haunting me  
It just won’t leave me alone_

At some point in my life, I can’t tell when exactly, I came to terms with the fact that I was never going to find out all those answers.

It didn’t even take a lot to just silently agree to that.

Not really.

It was only another step. I didn’t get any answers, I waited for them for a while and then I decided I was done waiting. Simple as that.

But then we met her.

And, suddenly, more questions started appearing and, oh my, how I was itching to find all the answers for those.

_I still find it all a mystery  
_ _Could it be a dream?_

She stood by us, by my and Sammy’s side through all the bad. She didn’t leave after he jumped into the pit but she left once I went to Lisa. I knew it hurt her but I had to keep my promise to Sammy. That was the last thing I could do, considered I screwed up completely at protecting him.

After we found out that Sam didn’t have a soul, she didn’t leave either.

After all the crap with Cas and Leviathans came up, she was always supporting me and Sammy.

She looked for me when I was stuck in Purgatory. Yeah, even though my brother didn’t. But they had every right to think I was dead so I wouldn’t have been mad at her if she didn’t do that.

She tried to take the trials upon herself, explaining that the world didn’t need her to be alive. What a bullshit. The world needed her, because, if it weren’t for her, we wouldn’t have been able to be us. To be those famous or unfamous Winchesters, cleaning all the crap after every forsaken monster and themselves.

She tried to convince me not to take the Mark of Cain on but I had to do it. I didn’t have a choice.

She looked for me when I was a demon and helped Sammy prevent me from being thrown into god knows where to keep the world safe.

She pleaded for me not to agree to be a human bomb but, yet again, I didn’t have a choice.

Sometimes I came to think that I’ve never been given a choice. No one ever asked me if I wanted to be pulled into this crap. I didn’t agree to become a hunter. It just happened.

She was constantly asking me why, but I didn’t know what to answer.

I thought I was going to die. Hell, I was sure about that. That’s why I gently cradled her tear-stained cheeks and pressed a soft kiss on her lips before Chuck was about to send me to Amara. I was shocked that I did it as much as she was, I could sense it.

_The road to nowhere leads to me_

As I found myself god knows where, seeing my mom in front of me, I understood what Amara meant by telling me she had a present for me. I thought that this was it. I was going to be able to ask questions and get some real answers. Maybe this was my chance to finally get some peace. I’ve never been given easy answers. Maybe it was the time.

_The road to nowhere leads to me_

But as I looked back at this moment, a few months later, while we were all in the Impala: me, mom, Sammy, Cas and Y/N, her hand in mine, I realised one thing.

I didn’t have to look for any answers.

She was the answer for every question.


End file.
